Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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