We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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