I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize