do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
