I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
