I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
