I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
