so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
