You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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