Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize