Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
