At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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