??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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