if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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