Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
