Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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