so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
