He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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