we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
