one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
