How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
