Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
