My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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