Only a mothe r could love this liver
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
