I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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