hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
