I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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