6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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