I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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