Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
