i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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