amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
