just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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