I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
