I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
