My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
