do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
