i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I want to fling myself into the sun
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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