I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
third nipple confirmed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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