I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
