An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
