As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
