i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
