Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
