Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
