Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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