They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
