By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
