Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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