Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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