He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
