I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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