Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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