Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
