Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
