My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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