Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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