he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
