I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
