Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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