I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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