3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
