You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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