I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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