I must be too annoying 4 u.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
