You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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